Vote for me for President!

In all of the campaigning that is going on it still seems the politicians have missed the point.

I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

(1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned. English is the official language, speak it or wait at the border until you can.
(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Walmart' policy 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'
(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.
(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.
(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade. There will be no more 'hand outs' for an extended period of time. If you state you cannot find a job we will find one for you, not provide one. The job might not be to your liking, but that's the breaks.
(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life. Actually, I feel the government has no business in the sports arena, but since they seem to want to make a dog and pony show out of everything, let's just nip it in the bud right away.
(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There are no more life sentences, if convicted you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim, gun, knife, strangulation, etc. For sexual predators and rapists, since sex is your thing...we'll just set you up with a very large and horny male baboon. You will be duct taped between 2 posts, he won't.
(9) One export will be allowed, Wheat. The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.
(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.
(13) The elected officials will be graded by 'the people' and any raises or increase in benefits will be given as deemed fit by 'the people'. Afterall, the Constitution states they work for us, therefore 'we the people' ultimately control the monies. If you do not show up for work or are nonproductive, your position will be terminated.
(14) All elected officials will have term limits. This should help get rid of some of the dead wood before they can do too much damage.
(15) There will no longer be hyphenated Americans. If you are here and a legal citizen, you are an American. If you have come from another country and have chosen to become a citizen, you are now an American. You are not an African-American, nor an Irish-American...Italian-American...German-American...Mexican-American, etc.

Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get. Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November.

God Bless America